Adultolescence Page 3

  and all the drivers start to panic

  ’cause they’re paralyzed by soggy weather,

  you’ll feel my absence more than ever.

  with every drip of every drop,

  you’ll think of me and your heart will stop.

  even if only thrice a year,

  you’ll hear me purring in your ear.

  like the momentary strike of lightning

  you’ll close your eyes and see me dancing.

  i’ll be the ghost you don’t believe in.

  i’ll drench your mind in ways not even

  your windshield wipers can sweep clean.

  every time it rains, you’ll remember me.

  ADULTOLESCENCE

  have you ever met a kid who wasn’t a kid?

  who did all the things mommies and daddies did?

  who didn’t have friends or play games much,

  but cooked and cleaned and cared for babies and such?

  give that kid a hug.

  PRISONER

  you asked a question; i have an answer.

  i’d speak but liquid nitrogen

  has spread through my body like cancer.

  the room feels smaller as it fills with the quiet.

  in my head is a crowded room,

  but you can’t hear the riot.

  there’s a tinier me trapped inside of me.

  she's locked up in my [rib]cage

  and i threw away the key.

  she’s loud as hell but she’s having little luck,

  ’cause every time she tries to talk

  i tell that bitch to shut up.

  you want me to talk but i’m sitting silent.

  it seems like i have nothing to say

  but the screaming inside is violent.

  YUM

  if the world ended tomorrow, what would you do today?

  i’d hurriedly make my way

  to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

  ENTERTAINER

  all i’ve ever wanted is to make people happy.

  and to get rich doing it.

  and also fame.

  but only because that means i could make more people happy.

  who would give me more money.

  BULLY

  STATS

  here are some facts about love!

  2% of marriages are high school sweethearts :′)

  20% of couples meet online (•o•)

  and 17% of them get married <3

  70% of married people cheat (º~~~º)

  and 50% of marriages end in divorce <|3

  but none of this matters because

  100% of relationships end in death! :D

  ABUSE

  i’m so sorry

  you were in

  the blast radius

  when some

  delicate flower

  had his ego

  shattered.

  K

  ADVICE 11

  ive always been afraid to put eyeshadow under my eye

  bc i thought my eyes looked too droopy but one day i

  started doing it & someone commented on my insta

  pic “this is ur best look yet!” & i realized wow i should

  have been doing this for years but then someone else

  commented “ur makeup looks like shit” & i realized

  wow you cant make everyone happy so just make u

  happy

  SPEAK

  WORRY

  i tried to take a nap today. everything was great.

  it was dark, but not so dark that my body thought it was bedtime.

  it was warm, but not so warm that i had to poke my feet out.

  it was so unbelievably comfortable, i could lie there forever.

  but then, i remembered the alarm clock that i set.

  i knew i could only rest for thirty minutes,

  and in about twenty-four, that repulsive honking would start.

  napping is the best. waking up from a nap is the worst.

  i became fixated on the idea of this cozy dreamland coming to an end.

  instead of feeling the cloud-like pillow under my head,

  i felt the dread of the alarm inside my mind.

  instead of enjoying the blanket nestled over my body,

  i suffered the expectation of imminent screeching looming over my thoughts.

  i spent so much time anticipating having to wake up

  that i never fell asleep.

  HYPOCRITE

  ever notice that the word “synonym”

  doesn’t have a synonym?

  ADVICE 15

  never let someone else be the reason u wake up in the morning

  GEOGRAPHY

  my heart is in pittsburgh

  my brain is in california

  my fingers are in your hair

  so let’s cut the small talk

  WASTED

  i’m way more fun drunk.

  not in like a,

  “i’m really fun when i’m drunk”

  kinda way, but more in like a,

  “you need to be drunk in order to have fun around me”

  kinda way.

  EW

  you’re disgusting

  ly perfect

  CATHOLIC

  i gave up for lent.

  DESERVED

  i wish the oscars had a “best extra” category.

  i would love to see jessica lowry take home the award

  for her outstanding performance as “girl in lobby #3.”

  her ability to fill space and pantomime conversation is

  unprecedented and she should be celebrated.

  LIVE

  things won’t get better if you’re gone.

  you can’t feel relief if you’re a carcass.

  if it’s the shadows that you’re running from,

  remember that dead eyes only see darkness.

  ADVICE 9

  when i was a kid i thought id never be able to swallow

  a pill & now i can swallow two pills at a time so ur

  capable of more than u could even imagine in ur

  wildest dreams

  GHOST

  listening for answers that would never be heard,

  i realized that silence speaks louder than words.

  seeking explanation, i felt blind and deaf.

  i don’t care that you’re gone, i just hate how you left.

  HURRY

  good things happen to those who wait.

  except when there’s free food involved.

  that shit goes quick.

  BURN

  i smashed my smoke detector

  because i’d rather die a fiery painful death

  than listen to it judge me

  every time i cook bacon.

  20/20

  he told me i should trust him—

  i had no reason not to.

  he filled me up, right to the brim,

  and my feelings quickly grew.

  he said he’d never hurt me

  and to this day he had not.

  he said he’d never hurt me,

  but it seemed he soon forgot.

  i turned the other cheek when

  he would talk to other girls.

  they were a vacation,

  but to him, i was the world.

  he promised he’d protect me,

  then he struck me limb to limb.

  guess i never knew he meant

  i needed protection from him.

  he pleaded for forgiveness

  as i fell down to the ground.

  he said he had a sickness

  and he needed me around.

  again, he had to grovel

  when my face hit the cement.

  i crumbled like the gravel

  when he offered his lament.

  he said i was his future,

  and so i took his word.

  he said i was his future,

  then the rest was all a blur.

  they told me to leave sooner.
/>   i couldn’t do that, never!

  blood and bruises disappear

  but true love is for forever!

  he said he’d never leave me;

  on his mother’s grave, he swore.

  so i guess it kinda shook me

  when he walked right out the door.

  they told me to get away;

  there was no reason i could find.

  i guess i learned the hard way!

  lesson being,

  love is blind(ing pain).

  PUNISHMENT

  if you plan on giving someone the silent treatment,

  make sure they give a fuck about what you have to say

  HERO

  like lots of elderly people, my great-grandma was hard of hearing.

  like lots of hard of hearing people, my great-grandma wore a hearing aid.

  my family is loud, and we are annoying, and there are a lot of us.

  sometimes at holidays or obligatory bonding time,

  after all the kids had too much sugar or all the adults had too much liquor,

  my great-grandma would simply turn down her hearing aid.

  just like that, she switched the room to mute.

  at the turn of a knob, she turned our bickering into a silent movie.

  she was able to hush the world and create her own peace.

  her disability was her superpower.

  LOVEBOAT

  next time you pour everything you have into someone,

  make sure they don’t have any leaks.

  PRANKSTER

  God has a sick sense of humor.

  He put men and women on this earth,

  then told them to not only coexist, but to reproduce.

  he built their bodies to survive on one another,

  yet built their brains to agree on virtually nothing.

  aaaahhhhhh you got us so good!

  CRAVINGS

  cheese cravings are a sign you have a calcium deficiency.

  it also signifies that you really like cheese.

  if you’re craving red meat, you may have an iron deficiency.

  also, hamburgers are delicious.

  a desire for salty food means you need more essential fatty acids.

  alternatively, that you like nonessential fatty food.

  if you eat chocolate in copious amounts, you’re lacking magnesium.

  that, and self-control.

  NAP

  you woke a part of me i thought was dead,

  but i guess it was just sleeping.

  EARLYBIRD

  i awake before the sun with a head as clear as ice.

  the thought of having zero thoughts i thought would be quite nice.

  but i taste the cold and feel the dark the moment i wake up.

  it’s like my body misses you before my mind can catch up.

  MOTHERGOOSE

  one two, buckle my shoe

  three four, better lock the door

  five six, why the fuck are you

  taking demands from a nursery rhyme

  grow a backbone if you can’t even

  stand up to a poem written for

  preschoolers you stand no chance

  in the real world start thinking

  for yourself damn

  LOVE

  i saw a very old man buying pads for a woman today.

  that’s the kind of love i want.

  old man buying feminine hygiene products kind of love.

  WEB

  the dislike button is my biggest critic.

  am i a good person? check my analytics.

  i’m lucky, i know, i don’t mean to misinform—

  i just need a moment i don’t need to perform.

  i realize i’m blessed, but if i may spin it:

  when you’re you for a living, you can’t take a minute

  to process your thoughts of confusion or sorrow.

  we are yesterday’s stars of tomorrow,

  and we are tomorrow’s yesterday’s news.

  “what’s next?” is the question i can’t escape from.

  i’m not yet the person i’m meant to become.

  i want to do more, much more! in fact,

  i want to dance and sing and act!

  but i can’t get hired ’til i promise to tweet it

  so i’ll just film, edit, post, and repeat it.

  i’ll stick to schedule ’cause my biggest fear

  is to get lost in the crowd and disappear,

  but, some days, that doesn’t seem so bad.

  the pursuit of happiness sounds obscene

  when your source of joy is numbers on a screen.

  so you tell me, what’s my worth today?

  do you love me as much as yesterday?

  quantify me, give me my rating!

  i hope you can forgive my click-baiting

  but the conundrum is this life that’s conditioned

  me to treat every day as if it’s an audition

  for a part i’m not even sure that i want.

  we’re fragile and scared and nobody cares

  ’cause we’re the millennial millionaires.

  fuck your skills or the things you did,

  you take selfies for a living, your opinion’s invalid.

  compromise yourself to gain a fan.

  monetize your life any way you can.

  i’ll tell you whatever you need me to say

  just to stay relevant another day,

  so please, like, comment, and subscribe.

  ADVICE 8

  be grateful for everyone u meet bc every ex every

  shitty friend was in ur life for a reason even if it was

  just to introduce u to a cool movie or make u listen to

  ur favorite new band 4 the first time & if not honestly

  they seem kinda boring af anyway so good riddance

  QUESTION

  are you happy,

  or are you not sad?

  RECYCLE

  i don’t know what it is that i see in you,

  and i don’t even know what i want.

  i don’t understand what you came here for.

  can’t you find some other heart to haunt?

  i think it was always meant to end this way;

  there never was a time we were in sync.

  i can’t pretend to reminisce, there were no “good ol’ days,”

  but please don’t try to tell me what to think.

  i don’t know what it is that i think should be.

  if i could, i don’t know what it is i’d change.

  i have these expectations that aren’t fair of me.

  maybe i just really like the pain.

  i don’t know why it is that i can’t talk to you;

  i’ve always worn my feelings on my shirt.

  it doesn’t make much sense that we would want this still;

  but i think secretly, deep down, we like to hurt.

  the game was always how can i manipulate

  this lust to make it seem like something real?

  i know you think that everything we had was fake,

  but i won’t try to tell you how to feel.

  i can’t begin to say what you mean to me.

  i can’t even begin to even tell you why.

  as much as i would never like to see you again,

  please don’t make this poem our last goodbye.

  SISTERS

  THERAPY

  how do i feel?

  the entire car ride here

  i kept envisioning

  a gruesome head-on collision

  with a fucking semi

  and i unbuckled my seatbelt

  just in case.

  that’s how i feel.

  SUP

  you really hurt my feelings

  but you’re the person i talk to when my feelings are hurt

  so this is kinda awkward.

  anyway what’s up?

  BOOM

  could you, sir, if you don’t mind,

/>   defuse the bomb in my chest?

  if it’s not too much trouble, could you be so kind

  as to solve this wiry mess?

  i know what the diminishing number means,

  i’m running out of seconds it seems,

  i’m about to be blown to smithereens,

  and the ticking is making me anxious.

  so please, sir, if you can spare the time,

  defuse the bomb in my chest?

  HMM

  i wonder what dying feels like.

  you, too?

  i’ll let you know when i find out.

  oh, wait.

  HOST

  God is a gracious host

  but he isn’t too polite to let you know

  when you’ve overstayed your welcome

  and it’s time to leave the party.

  CATFISH

  he wanted to be ten years younger.

  she wanted to be twenty pounds lighter.

  so they played pretend,

  then they finally met,

  turns out they were perf for each other!

  SAFE

  “be careful!” they warn.

  “be cautious!” they say.

  “if you keep living like this,

  you’ll die one day!”

  SUN

  i never gave a damn about a sunset.

  i never cared to look up at the sky.

  watched my sister’s birth & my brother’s death