Adultolescence Page 4

  & never stopped to ask Him “why?”

  i never tried to find the gold

  at the rainbow’s end,

  & i never once a secret told

  to a childhood friend.

  i never tried to count the stars

  in orion’s belt.

  when the earth & moon aligned with mars

  not a feeling was felt.

  i really couldn’t give a shit

  about a solar eclipse,

  & i really can’t be bothered

  with marigolds or tulips.

  i never really notice

  the beauty of the trees,

  the butterflies, the dragonflies,

  the ladybugs & bees.

  i haven’t looked for shapes in clouds

  since i was a youngling,

  & i don’t give a damn

  if i never hear a blue jay sing.

  mountains aren’t majestic

  if you don’t pay them any mind.

  my vision is fine. perfect, really.

  but i might as well be blind.

  all this looking down

  will surely be my demise.

  but i’d rather die than wake up in time

  to watch a fucking sunrise.

  LIKE

  like, i didn’t think i was like, gonna like it the way

  that i like it but, like, i like it.

  LIGHTBULBS

  ANATOMY

  take a moment and close your eyes.

  when you imagine your insides, what do you see?

  do you see pink tunnels and white bones and a juicy, red heart?

  do you imagine blue veins and green spleens

  like some textbook coloring book

  or some magic school bus amusement park ride?

  i hate to be the bearer of bad news,

  but under your layers of ivory, peachy, black, brown, or yellow skin

  is total darkness.

  there is no light inside of you.

  the color of you is the color of the back of your eyelids

  when i ask you to close your eyes and imagine your insides.

  your heart, for all the long years of your life,

  has been beating in the dark.

  ERASER

  i need you to un-say some stuff you said

  and un-do the things you did

  so perhaps, possibly one day

  i can maybe un-love you, kid.

  ADVICE 2

  when im sober mcdonalds seems like the worst

  possible decision but when im drunk it seems like the

  best possible choice so if something in ur life doesnt

  seem right maybe just try looking at it through a

  different lens & also mix vodka with grapefruit juice

  it’s surprisingly refreshing

  Link

  in bio

  COFFEE

  i woke up and put on a pot of coffee.

  i am my father.

  i left the pot on and burnt it.

  i am my mother.

  NAIL POLISH

  ever notice that manicurists never have their nails done?

  ladies and gentlemen, the american dream.

  HEIRLOOM

  he snatched an innocent, porcelain angel from the shelf and smashed it against the wall.

  delicate shrapnel filled the air and searched for a place to settle.

  “that was my great-great-grandmother’s,” she sobbed.

  she sent a crystal vase plummeting towards the dusty, scuffed floor.

  tiny, lethal diamonds scattered, waiting to lodge themselves into an unsuspecting heel.

  “that was my great-great-grandson’s,” he scoffed.

  SNAP

  this thing we’re doing,

  it’s merely a photocopy of what we had.

  just some flat thought of a beautiful moment passed.

  but i’ll take it for now.

  i’ll pin it above my headboard and look at it before i go to sleep

  every single night for however long it takes

  until it blends in with the walls and i forget it’s there.

  then, one day, maybe it’ll catch my eye again

  and i’ll look at it with fondness and affection.

  maybe i’ll feel a whisper of the warmth you brought,

  or maybe i’ll feel a hint of exhaustion.

  but memories will always just be that.

  so i’ll toss it in the pile with the rest

  or add it to my photo album that i keep in the attic.

  the past is for visiting, not living.

  FRIGHTENED

  i’m trembling,

  but not in fear.

  you terrify me,

  but i’m not scared.

  RICH

  there once was a boy named sonny

  he never had much money

  so he busted his ass

  now he flies first class

  and life is sweet as honey

  sonny slaves away

  he has no time to play

  he swallows a pontoon

  of pills by noon

  just to get through the day

  CHANGE

  ADVICE 17

  it's pretty shocking that racism still exists it's literally

  a matter of black & white like say u like kittens ur

  going to like kittens whether its a black kitten or a

  white kitten the color of the kitten doesnt change

  the fact that it's a kitten so can we all just chill with

  judging by color because fur is just fur & kittens are

  great oh & if ur a dog person feel free to replace the

  word kitten with puppy

  EMOTIONS

  if you can’t decide whether to laugh or cry

  just laugh until you cry.

  SANTA

  there’s always that asshole in every class who tells the others,

  “Santa’s not real!

  you think that chump flies across the world

  in his reindeer-powered automobile?

  and carries all those presents

  on his tiny little sleigh?

  he’d never pull it off, it’s impossible!

  come on, gimme a break!”

  it’s like, when they lost the magic themselves,

  they wanted to steal it from everyone else.

  but if they find out they’re wrong they’re gonna be pissed;

  what if santa’s real, you’re just on the naughty list?

  CERTAIN

  i think i guess i know

  that you probably definitely

  maybe for sure are

  potentially the one for me.

  SELF-HELP

  they say focus on me, be the best i can be.

  i think i’ve had enough time to myself;

  i’m ready to share it with someone else.

  if i’m honest, i’ve had enough of me.

  CLEAN

  i’ve got a head full of nightmares,

  a heart full of rage,

  a belly full of liquor,

  and a sink full of dishes.

  i’ll start with the dishes.

  BREAKFAST

  did you ever wake up in the morning

  and really want a bowl of cereal

  but you were out of milk

  so instead of milk you used orange juice

  and instead of cereal you used vodka?

  ALIENS

  people are always looking for evidence that aliens exist,

  but the proof is right in front of us!

  you know that gymnast that holds that other gymnast

  above her head with one hand while doing a triple pirouette

  while that other gymnast touches her foot to the back of her head

  then dismounts by spiraling upwards forty times?

  alien.

  you know that eight-year-old singer that auditions on some competition show

  and causes the hair of every single man woma
n and child in the audience

  and everyone viewing at home from the comfort of their couches

  to stand straight up on the backs of their necks?

  alien.

  you know that regular-looking guy

  that shoots a basketball backwards across the entire court,

  blindfolded, and in one effortless try

  you hear a perfect, untainted “swish”?

  alien.

  you know that person who created that robot girlfriend

  that moves its face all human-like and learns your interests

  and has conversations with you about cars or cooking or hentai

  or whatever it is that you like to do in your alone time?

  alien.

  they’re here! they’re awesome!

  they’re winning championships and making cool apps and starring in viral videos!

  just let the aliens live already!

  ADVICE 16

  im not superstitious but if u see a lucky penny pick it

  up if u spill some salt throw it over ur shoulder if u see

  a falling star make a wish if u can avoid it then dont

  step on a crack cuz honestly it prob wont help but it

  sure as hell wont hurt & also i dont see any reason u

  have to walk under a ladder

  WISH

  if i had one wish, it would be to never have a typo in a poem agian

  FLYING

  if you’re afraid to fly,

  just remember:

  you’re more likely to die on the way to the airport

  than in an actual plane crash.

  oh, that didn’t make you less nervous to fly?

  it just made you more nervous to drive?

  my bad.

  RUN

  in middle school i always wanted to join a sport or team,

  but between the sign-up fee, the price of uniforms . . .

  it just wasn’t in the cards.

  one day, i found out that track & field was only $25 to join!

  i had saved my christmas money and i signed up

  immediately.

  i couldn’t wait to run!

  the first practice, i was so excited to feel like i

  was finally a part of something

  and had somewhere to go after school.

  the first practice, someone made fun of my

  shoes because they were from PayLess.

  i ran!

  that’s one of my most painful memories.

  not because some preteen twat said something cruel

  to me,

  but because i let it affect my decision

  and deter me from doing something that i wanted to do.

  from that day on, i swore to myself that i would never allow

  others’ negativity to prevent me from being happy.

  from that day on, i promised myself i would never

  run.

  PHONE

  phones keep getting slimmer,

  and people keep buying them.

  cases keep getting thicker,

  and people keep buying them.

  my phone feels the same,

  but my wallet feels slimmer.

  HANGUNDER

  DEPRESSION

  when life is great and nothing’s wrong,

  i’ll stay in your mind like a catchy song.

  when you come up for air and you’re feeling free,

  i’ll weigh you down like lead boots in the sea.

  if you try to wash me down the drain,

  thicker than mud, i’ll stick to your brain.

  when you’re filled with joy without concern,

  i’ll hollow you out like a jack-o’-lantern.

  when nothing you need to do is completed,

  you’ll get up to go, but i’ll keep you seated.

  when you start to build hope and the future’s bright,

  i’ll snuff out the sun and prolong the night.

  no matter personal or financial success,

  i’ll crawl up your skin with the Reaper’s caress.

  when you’re close to escaping but miss by a thread,

  i’ll be here waiting with a gun to your head.

  CHARGE

  CLICHÉS

  is it “never give up on the one you love”

  or “if you love them, let them go”

  ’cause these quotes are getting confusing

  and, honestly, i just gotta know.

  ’cause they say “when it’s right, it’s easy”

  but also that “relationships take a lot of work.”

  most would agree on the first one,

  unless their loved one is a jerk.

  they say that “time heals all wounds”

  but also “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

  how both sentiments could be true,

  one truly has to ponder.

  so should we have a lot in common,

  or do opposites attract?

  i suppose that depends on if you have similar interests

  to the chick with the awesome rack.

  WALLS

  my neighbors have really loud sex, a lot of it.

  i’m happy for them, i just wish she’d fake her orgasms a little more quietly.

  i almost complained once, but then i realized:

  if i can hear them having animalistic, passionate intercourse,

  they can hear me watching 13 consecutive hours of f•r•i•e•n•d•s.

  let bygones be bygones, i guess.

  DESPERATE

  i like my men like i like my pizza.

  i’m not very picky.

  ADVICE 13

  ppl change i used to hate coconut & now i love coconut

  so dont judge ppl on their past 2nd chances r real have

  faith dont give up on ppl

  BOOBOO

  you’ll break my heart & glue it together;

  i’ll bruise your ego, then kiss it better.

  you’ll crush my soul & put a band-aid on it;

  i’ll kill your body, then i’ll embalm it.

  HAUNTED

  a ghost keeps on messing with me

  in the most irritating ways.

  he (she? it?) does all the typical ghosty things like

  playing with the lights and messing with the doors.

  sometimes my keys will disappear when i’m late

  then reappear after i’ve already paid for an uber.

  my lights will flicker when it’s late and i’m alone,

  but nothing ever happens when people are around.

  sometimes stuff just falls off the walls!

  seriously! it’s some spooky stuff!

  but he (it? they?) never does anything to hurt me.

  unless you count the time he (they? she?) cut my power

  while i was watching the finale of dexter, but

  honestly even that ended up being more of a favor.

  so i decided that my ghost isn’t here to scare me,

  he’s (she’s? it’s?) just a lonely dude (gal? thing?)

  that wants some company, a distraction.

  so he (whatever) is welcome to

  blow out my candle or lock me out anytime,

  ’cause i think we all understand what it’s like

  to be haunted by loneliness.

  ADVICE 6

  dont believe everything u read i could write rn that i

  like tapioca but i hate tapioca it’s the devils snack so

  ya dont believe everything u read unless u read that

  im cool u can believe that

  RAW

  our love is like that chicken in the back of the fridge.

  i know it’s expired, i’m just not ready to throw it away.

  TEACHER

  the worst part about breakups is knowing that

  some other girl will reap the benefits

  of all the lessons i taught him.

  everyone has to learn,

  it just sucks being the te
acher.

  i hope you appreciate the way you two make up

  after an evening of heated exchange.

  i was his crash test dummy.

  i hope you love the way he holds you

  when you’re feeling insecure.

  i was the place holder.

  i hope you notice how he listens when you speak

  about the way he’s upsetting you.

  it took a lot of yelling to make his ears work.

  i hope you enjoy that thing he does with his tongue,

  and i’m not talking about the pretty things he says to you—

  though i taught him that, too.

  i hope you acknowledge the way he appreciates

  the little things you do for him.

  he didn’t know what he had until he lost it.

  that’s right, i went through all the trouble

  and some other girl will benefit from my hard work.

  but, maybe, the next guy will have already learned

  from the teacher before me.

  maybe he’ll have his degree in decency.

  maybe he’ll have graduated from boy to man.

  and, probably, some other girl will have taught him how.

  teachers truly have the toughest job.

  TUMBLE

  you’re fighting an uphill battle,

  & you’re falling fast.

  as much as you’d like to bring me with you,

  i’m not jill and you’re not jack.

  GROWN UP

  ARTIST

  his alarm clock is the sound of your head hitting the pillow.